A GARLAND OF GOODS ENGINES

THE COALING STAGE

I’m an 0-6-0 and my job’s to bump
All the coal trucks up to the Coaling ’Ump
- a responsible position for an 0-6-0
so I push ’em up carefully and nice and slo-o-o-ow ….

Well, the Coaling Stage it is ever so ’igh,
Yes I take it easy. Do you wonder why?
And imagine what’d ’appen if I lost me ’ead …..
We’d have COAL TRUCKS all over t’Engine Shed ….

NUMBER 4999

I’m A Beyer-Garratt tank, and I’ve power to burn
as I push ’em up the bank at Wath-on-Dearne.
And the People come and look at me from near and far
- I’m the Biggest Locomotive on the L.N.E.R.!

Well, they’d visit me at work, but they find instead
That I’m feeling ‘pretty poorly’ back in Mexbro’ Shed.
Where all the little “Pom-poms” laugh “Ha ha!”
- at the biggest bloody ingine on the L.N.E.R. … !

Author’s notes to “Number 4999”: beside line 2: “Banking” complete coal trains. Beside line 4: “PRIDE”. Beside line 8: “A DOLOROUS COMEDOWN” …)

Further author’s note: Same original tune to both songs. Lyrics are sweet and EXACT reflections of the characters of these two goods engines. ESPECIALLY the “0-6-0” – Conscientious, plodding and slightly, though nicely, single-minded.
Needless to say, I never saw No 4999 in any condition other than “Feeling pretty poorly back in Mexbro’ Shed”. (It was another experimental engine.) Pieces won’t need much technical explanation if done in a Railway series. (“Pom-pom” L.N.E.R. slang term for ex-G.C.R. 0-6-0 engines.) Tony, learn both of these pieces. You can then do one at a time, or you do one, I do the other (No. 4999).
I think the meaning is obvious DESPITE the technical terms. It’s probably not necessary to explain what a “Beyer-Garratt tank” is … (?)

SOUTHERN RAILWAY CLASS Q1 0-6-0

I was built when we all had a War to win,
I’m “Economy class” ands as ugly as sin
and of elegant trimmings I have sweet eff-aye
- but I’m black and efficient and I earn my pay!

Another manuscript gives the title as “No. 4999”
I’m A Beyer-Garratt tank, and I’ve power to burn
as I push ’em up the bank at Wath-on-Dearne.
And the people come and look at me from near and far
- I’m the biggest locomotive on the L.N.E.R.!

Well, they’d visit me at work, but they find instead
that I’m feeling pretty poorly, back in Mexbro’ Shed.
Where all the little “Pom-poms” laugh “Ha-ha!”
at “the biggest bloody ingine on the L.N.E.R.”!

[underneath is the following stanza, which seems to have no connection with the poem/song “No. 4999”.]
Said Mister Collett “We’ll increase the stud
of the Class 58, cos they’re all quite good”.
So they bred like rabbits in a Pudden’ Club.
(We had funny habits on the old Gee Dub.)

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