BLOODY USELESS?
(On the footplate of a former Lancashire and Yorkshire 2-4-2T)
(Composed prior to 1971; from manuscript held by B. Burke)Oh, I’d just started firing, and “Learning the Line”
when we buggered-off to bloody Bacup with Ten-six-eight-nine.
And I said to Sid, the Driver, “Just as well we’re not ‘Express!’”
“Don’t be daft, lad, she’s a ‘Fore-an’-Aft’, so we’ll get there … More or less!”
For we’d gottem all into Rawtenstall with our old Lanky tank.
“Gerrem UP there!” Driver Sid said, as she wheezed up the bank.
“Aye, Gaffer up at t’ bloody shed sed we’d have our ’ands full
and ‘She’s just about as bloody-useful as tits on a bull!’”
“NEVER MIND what bloody GAFFER sed, for ’e’s PAST IT” (Sid said)
“And ’E ’asn’t drove a bloody ingine since t’ Lanky dropped dead!”
And the old girl gave a high shriek of well-bred disgust
- like she wasn’t held together – poor soul – by the muck and the rust.
“Bloody useless?” Sid brooded “Well we’ll SEE about that …!
Now Ah’m going tom let her ’ave ’er ’ead a bit. ’Old on to your ’at …”
And he teased t’ regulator open, and OFF with a jerk,
well, she galloped like s little Spring Lamb - or a cow gone berserk.
“God Almighty, take it lightly, or you’ll ’ave us OFF in a bit!!”
“’Ad a shake-up? … Well, ’ere’s Bacup!
… ‘Bloody-useless’? … Old … NIT!!”
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Driver Sid’s long departed, but often I’ve thought
of his battered little locomotive, and the lesson he taught
- If you ever need to move a Miracle, or the Heavens above,
Then apply a little “Know-how” … and the Power of Love!
