FROM THE BOOK OF FALSECONOMY
(A political Parable recently translated from the Dead Sea Scrolls)
(First published in “Centreline” 1966)
AT THAT TIME there came unto the Kingdom the Ruler of a new and distant Nation, and he sought out the CHIEF MINISTER and said unto him:
BUILD FOR US A FLYING CHARIOT that be both great and speedy, that our flag might be carried to the ends of the earth, yea, even into London (Luton)
AND THE MINISTER DEMANDETH: When the voice of the BOEING is loud o’er the land, why comest thou then to Us?
AND THE OTHER RESPONDETH: Our Land is black and backward and Dollars have we none. Therefore can we but pay in Peanuts; but Verily I say unto ye: Build for us our Flying Chariot and the Crops shall be thine. Yea, even unto the Tenth generation.
BUT THE MINISTER ENQUIRETH FURTHER: Knowest Thou UNO?
YEA VERILY WE KNOW UNO. And UNO shall hear of thee, and UNO shall Praise thee, and great will be thy Name amongst the Uncommitted Nations of the Earth.
SO THE MINISTER THOUGHT UPON THESE THINGS and sent for his chief Chariot Makers and told them of this meeting, saying:
BUILD YE SUCH A CHARIOT; and over and above thine order, build ye also nine and forty, that my servant Bo-ACK might fly them.
THOUGH Bo-ACK HEARING THIS TURNED PALE and fell before his Master, pleading:
MASTER, MASTER, SPARE ME. Deliver me not yet another, for have I not lost my Shekels in thy service? And kneel I not now before thee little better than a lowly Eunuch?
BUT Bo-ACK WAS A MISERABLE PLEADER and his Master heard him not.
AND WHEN THE CHARIOT WAS BUILDED It was awesome to behold, for it shone like burnished silver, as though wrought of solid lead. And truly, its price was greater than rubies
AND THEY TOOK IT UNTO THAT BUSHE which is called Black, and the Chief Charioteer mounted within, and Lo! the Chariot flew.
AND THE PEOPLE SAW and were amazed and the PRESS fell down and Worshipped.
BUT WOE UNTO ALL IDOLATORS! Woe and destruction unto them! For when the LORD created PODS, did he not put PEAS therein?
WHYFOR MOCKEST THOU THE LORD? Whyfor puttest thou in Pods thine Engines?
I SHALL CASTGATE THEE! crieth the LORD. I shall perish thy Peanut crop, that thy Servant beareth the weight of thine iniquity!
AND THE WRATH OF THE LORD fell white-hot upon the Black Bushe; glowing like an angel.
AND THE BUSHE ITSELF TOOK FIRE and Lo! a voice spoke from out of the burning Bushe, saying:
MY GOD, MY GOD, IT’S BLOODY HOT IN HERE.
AND THE PEOPLE HEARD AND WERE AFRAID and Bo-ACK ordered fifty.
