LORD OF THE WAGGONS
(Composed prior to 1971; from manuscript held by B. Burke)They made me for shuntin’, for bashin’ and bumpin’
at the great stupid wagons I pull and I tug.
No effort’s excessive when you’re small and aggressive.
My name is expressive, they call me a “Pug”.
Oh, I live in Oldham, when down in the dumps
I can cheer myself up in the Goods Yard at Mumps!
I’m an ’andsome young feller, though I’m NOT painted yeller
- just an ’ardwearin’ Black, nothin’ fancy for me.
For there’s no hanky-panky on the ’ardworking’ “Lanky”
We’re the “Lancashire and Yorkshire”, not the “L.B.S.C.”!
But oh, ain’t it smashin’, the bashin’ and bumps,
when you’re Lord of the Waggons in the Goods Yard at Mumps!
When roused I am evil, my rage is primeval
and woe to the Waggon who’d try to be Bold
and forget what I told ’im. I’ll find ’im and scold ’im
“When you come to Oldham you do as you’re TOLD!”
And, oh, hear the shrieks of the Waggon I thumps
as I bash ’im and smash ’im in the Goods Yard at Mumps!
I’ll find ’im and bring him and belt him and sling ’im
at a waiting Goods Engine – [THUMP!!] who ses “Do you mind
not thumping me rotten? Or have you forgotten
though you’re a Tank Engine, I’ve a Tender behind!”
Then off down the line like a cart-horse he clumps
with all of me Waggons from me Goods Yard at Mumps ..!
But it’s all in my mind now, for what do I find now?
The “L.M.S.” came and the “L.M.S.” went …
Then “British Rail” owned me, retired me and sold me.
I’m old and worn-out, but I’m fairly content.
For I’ve lived through good times and two Wars and a slump
as Lord of the Waggons in the Goods Yard at Mumps.
When many long years you have worked on the “Lanky”
to Keighley in Yorkshire’s a long way to roam.
On the “Worth Valley Railway” (as used to be “Midland”)
I’m petted and pampered – but a long way from home.
For when I lived in Oldham, when down in the dumps …
I could cheer myself up in the Goods Yard at Mumps!
[EDITOR’S NOTE: the reference to the Worth Valley Railway indicates that the locomotive which this poem is intended to represent was 0-4-0 saddle tank no. 51218; I have no knowledge of this locomotive ever having operated at Oldham Mumps.]
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