STICK TO YOUR SHOVEL
(On the Leeds-Manchester line of the L.N.W. Railway.}
(Composed prior to 1971; from manuscript held by B. Burke)Oh I’d worked like a black all the way from Leeds
a-shovelling the coal that the engine needs.
I was stunned with work on my very first trip
like a punch-drunk navvy, well, I lost my grip
and into the roaring firebox flew
the heaviest shovel on the L.N.W.!
Disaster, disaster! Was my face red!
I turned to the Driver and said “Hey, Fred.
I’ve slung me shovel in the fire!” says I.
He turned and said with a kind of sigh
“Why, what an extravagant thing to do!
Still, what’s ONE shovel to the L.N.W. …?”
“But what’ll I DO?” and Fred said “Nowt,
D’you want to stick your hand in and fish it out?
Oh, I’ll open her up and she’ll go quite well,
’cos it’s all down’ill, so what the ’ell …
(Then I realised we were coming through
Stannege Tunnel on the L.N.W.).
“But ’old on tight, like a sensible lad
for losing a shovel ain’t TOO bad
but losing a Fireman’s frowned upon;
- even a bloody-useless one …”
So I sulked in the tender for a minute or two,
and thought Black Thoughts of the L.N.W.
But then I thought, God bless my soul
it’s a damn sight better than navvying coal
and she don’t seem to need any help from me
and the jolly old ingine shrieked with glee
- “You’re an idle bugger but ain’t it TROOOOOOO?
so who needs shovels on the L.N.W.?”
“Don’t worry ’bout t’ shovel, me lad!” said Fred
“ – Gaffer ’ll laugh at Patricroft shed.
Then ’e’ll ’ang-and-draw-and-quarter you, like
and stick your ’ead on a great big spike,
just to show what ’appens to the likes of you
who go losing shovels on the L.N.W.!”
“Ay!” I shrieked “They’ll never do that!!??”
“Oh”, said Fred, “get off your fat,
and pick up your shovel … You’ll find a spare
up on the back of the tender, there.
And THIS time, lad, I’ll kindly trouble you
to STICK to your shovel, on the L.N.W.!”
[AUTHOR’S NOTE: Poem to whistle accompaniment on “L.N.W.” rhymes. It’s quite effective!]
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